Saturday, March 17, 2007

Feel Good, Inc.

The other day, I was in the middle of a 400 warm up when someone started waving fins in front of me at the wall. I looked up to see the smallest person with the cutest pink bathing suit. And a damn nice rack, to boot. That’s right, I finally got to view (and approve) of Susan’s new boobs.

Now, I’m using her name because she said it’s ok. She has, in a sense, become the poster child for a new set of boobs. And I’ve got to tell you, they look pretty good.

A few weeks ago, I had talked to Susan over e-mail and asked how she was doing. She had just returned from Vegas with her husband and summed up the trip in a few words, “my husband kept walking up and down the street saying I can’t believe I finally have a wife with t*ts.”

I said it in my last post about her boob job – her husband’s generally a smiley guy and sure enough this was pushing him over the edge. I could imagine him skipping around the house day after day. Life would just be that good.

But back to the pool. Immediately, I popped up out of the water, recognized Susan, and then the thought was triggered from a file box in my mind, a question I’ve been meaning to ask for some time – ask Susan about new boobs.

“Let’s see!” I said. Really, what else do you say?

Proud and showy, Susan juts out her chest, giggles, and a smile spreads across her face. I believe a smile also spread across Dave, Fritz, and Chris’ faces because really who wouldn’t smile at a woman showcasing her boobs.

“They look great,” I said. They did. From what I could see she now had two perfectly round grapefruits attached to her chest, equidistant around, a circumference suggesting a perfect B.

Dave looked a little confused. Fritz looked a little scared. And Chris, well, some days he’s just happy to be in the game. As in, happy to be a part of a conversation that involves two women and boobs.

I felt like I had to say something – like I had to come back with an answer. It was like two men butting chests in manly recognition of something they just did. Susan stuck her chest out and I had to come back with something in return.

“I decided to go smaller,” I said, sticking out my chest. Yes, they were just getting too big to handle. Getting in the way. “What do you think?” I asked.

Dave smiled and jumped in his lane. Fritz stood there in disbelief. Chris was wondering how much this surgery cost and how soon he could get it for me.

Susan laughed. I asked her how she was doing and she said “feeling old and slow.” For the record, Susan is not old, nor is she slow. She’s one of those small people with the buoyancy and speed of a man twice her size.

“At least you’ve got the new boobs,” I said – not sure if she heard but I would imagine she’s been floating on cloud nine for some time and would stay there awhile. Imagine, your day is going bad – the boss is on your back, the kids are being brats, you’re feeling slow in the pool…..then you look right down on to your chest and you see two little circles of sunshine bouncing up and down. Now that’s got to make you smile. Instantly turns any bad day into good.

There’s very few things in life that can make you feel that good, few things you can call your ace in the hole that you can pull out if your feeling really bad. I imagine most women feel this way when they first get engaged. You have a bad day, your hair won’t cooperate, you notice a wrinkle but then you look down at your left hand and say “at least I’ve got this rock on my hand, it could be worse – I could be this ugly and single.”

You know how the conversation goes. You’ve had it with yourself a million times. You could fill it in with all sorts of things – at least I’m driving this car, or carrying this Coach purse, or riding this hot bike, or wearing this hat with Ironman on it. You’ve got all kinds of things you carry around that make you feel better. It has nothing to do with materialism or the possession of overprice goods. It is about feeling good.


Life is about feeling good. Whichever path you take to get there, it's your choice. Do what it takes, don’t worry about the cost, or what other people think. You’re worth it.

Now, if I could only get the name of Susan’s doctor, I might be forever feeling good......

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