Monday, July 09, 2007

25 Steps to a Saturday Night

(1) When you make the mistake of moving files to a mass storage device, you will find that even though it appears they are there they are not really there. And even though you want them to be there you cannot wish the files to appear back on your computer because they are gone - long gone - for good.

(2) After you realize this, you will get upset because your files are not there. Rather than listening to you whine, cry, and moan all Saturday night your husband will make a very smart move on his part and will call his computer-gifted friend for help.

(3) When your allegedly computer-gifted friend shows up, he will arrive at your door with several pounds of pork, seasoning, barbeque sauce, and a very hungry look in his eyes.

(4) When your husband offers the friend a beer, you will discover that in addition to being hungry your friend is also very, very thirsty.

(5) That friend will then call twice as many friends to also come over and help.

(6) When the other friends come over, they will drive over to your house on their new scooter belonging to the wife and even though the husband is driving you will not question his manhood because after all they arrived with copious amounts of liquor in hand.

(7) If Brenda is included, she will bring her own kitchen towel either suggesting that your kitchen is very dirty or she is very picky about where she wipes her hands.

(8) At this point, you will all of a sudden find yourself hosting a party. Since you are scheduled to start Ironman training are Monday, you think to yourself this is the perfect swan song to your social life for the next 3 months.

(9) At some point, you will hear Bob saying he had no plans of getting this drunk but he also had no plans of fighting it if it did happen. Which means that Bob will be walking home by the end of the night.

(10) When you get too many men together drinking too many beers, they will start talking about horsepower and then they will tell Brenda that her new scooter has as much power as two ovaries.

(11) When too many pear martinis are mixed for Brenda, she can be talked into doing her imitation of the turtle – though she says it’s better when wearing a turtleneck.

(12) When Bob begs long enough “come on, Brenda, do Beaker, show them your Beaker”, Brenda will then do her best imitation of Beaker from the muppets.

(13) This will inspire someone to search for videos of “Beaker” on You Tube and no sooner will your find yourself watching something entitled “Beaker’s MiMi” that will leave you in tears of laughter.

(14) This will then lead to discussion about whether or not the muppet Animal could actually speak. The verdict - he could speak in animal grunts and moans. The "quiet" he screamed at Beaker on the video was just a fluke.

(15) All of this web-surfing will remind you that you need your wireless connection security enabled. So you ask your allegedly computer gifted friend for help.

(16) If you let two very inebriated men enable your wireless security, in the process they will render it completely useless for a questionably long time.

(17) Brenda will then warn you that one half of the geek squad currently working on your new computer has been unable to enable their own wireless connection at their own home.

(18) After a long time the geek squad will realize they just had the wire in the wrong hole.

(19)When you shout “Bob had it in the wrong hole” he will respond with “story of my life”.

(20) Once they get the connection working again, someone will name the connection Ron Jeremy Uses This!

(21)This will then lead to a discussion about Ron Jeremy.

(22)Which will inspire someone to search a site called “Hot or Not”. While searching the site, one friend will realize they posted a picture of themselves on it years ago.

(23)If you post a picture of yourself on this site with a bright blue tutu on your head, you might be surprised to find that 22 women find the picture “hot”.

(24) You will then spend the next 10 minutes as a group rating if people are hot or not.

(25) Around midnight your friends will go home and you will find yourself thinking that was the perfect end to what little social life you did have because come Monday morning at 4:48 am you will be pushing out muscle tension intervals on your bike with nothing but Ironman in your head leaving no memory of the reason why your friends came over in the first place - you're just glad they were there.

4 comments:

Ashley Long said...

Amen to good friends... drunk or not, you just need 'em.

Brenda O said...

Just to clarify your point #7: The towel was to protect the shot glass from breaking in the trunk of my scooter, so I could make said Pear Martinis.

I had a blast Saturday, and this list made me cry with laughter today.

Thanks Liz! Best of luck training!!!

Ashley Long said...

just the words 'scooter' and 'pear martinis' in the same sentence were enough to make me cry with laughter.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, glad you enjoyed your rest week, Party girl......Jennifer