Monday, August 20, 2007

Desire

Last Monday morning, I met a friend for coffee. We talked about desire.

Not the spicy, saucy kind of desire that I shouldn’t talk about here – no, this is quite appropriate instead. It’s the fire inside, the passion within, the desire that burns in our hearts and guides our body and minds.

Each of us has desire. Something bigger we want to achieve – a life we really want, dreams for which we aspire. The desire is always there.

But day after day, it sits in the back of our mind. Because most of us do not live desire-filled lives. We ignore our desire and let our lives be led by distractions instead. Things we think need to be done, to do lists, this is what I should be doing at this time…..just….because.

But desire still burns.

Sometimes you just need to stop, step back to realize your desire. Find out what you’re really all about. It’s easy to get caught up in the busy–ness of everyday, to let your desire flicker out, and time tick away. We think to ourselves, I’ll have more time to meet my real desire next month, next year, when I’m done with this and that.

Meanwhile, time is never given. There could be a timeline we are not aware of. Tomorrow may never come. And with its disappearance may also disappear your desire. Your burning dreams snuffed out, the lost version of your true self.

If your time ended today, would you look back and say you have lived a desire filled life? Are you doing what your heart desires? Are you living in line with the best version of yourself?

A few weeks ago, I asked myself this question. And realized I was leading a distracted life. I became so entrenched by what I thought I should be doing that I stopped listening to myself. I had ignored my desire.

I found myself in a room, with the door nearly closed. One foot was inside while the other was half way out. I wanted to walk through the doorway and explore what was outside. But I could not fully commit to that until one door was fully closed.

About two weeks ago, I closed that door. And wouldn’t you know that once I closed that door, another door opened, and another, and all of a sudden it felt as if every door that had always been there was opening just for me. I simply had to walk out of the door and into the hallway to take the first step to leaving the old version of myself behind.

To close a door is to be unafraid. To admit that you have not found your full desire. What might have felt like the doorway to a home at one time, can become cold and empty over time. It is ok to leave and close that door. It is ok to put yourself out in the hallway again. You will find another open door leading towards the path of your desire.

Still, closing that first door was not easy. I sought a lot of solace in my friends. I asked a lot of questions. And that is how I found my friend MT again. A short while ago, MT had also closed a door, in the room we shared. She moved on and opened a new door in her life. Since then, I have watched her life change not once but twice. She has completely reinvented herself. She is becoming more of the desired version of herself.

I watched her journey and became jealous over time. How can she do that? Why her, not me? What do I have to do to be that happy? When will my time come? My time did not come, I just simply made the time for myself. I took the risk, I closed the door. I desired my happiness more than anything else, and I let myself once again be led by that drive.

Our desire is what we are meant to do, what we are destined to do. Anything else you attempt, your mind will not be fooled – for long. After awhile, you find yourself burdened by the dissonance in your mind. Your actions say one thing, your values another. The space between the two is chaotic, noisy. You are at unrest. Your mind can only shut this out before the noise becomes too loud for too long.

You seek consonance, the harmony of your body and mind. To do what you truly desire to do. To live in accordance with your dreams. And as you get older, these dreams and desires speak louder, become more vivid in time. You realize you are losing time to make these dreams happen. You seek them now.

In the past few weeks, I have been free. I have been moving towards my dreams, my desire. There is no guarantee that my choices are right but following the path of desire is so important to me that I am willing to take this risk. And with that, I know that truly I am right.

I am once again challenged and excited about what lies ahead. And one thing is sure – like most big decisions you make in life – if you make them with timeliness and thought – you never look back. There will be no regret.

All along, my friend MT has been my spiritual guide. We don’t talk about god – we talk about spirit and desire. The two are very much connected. And when you quiet your mind and listen to your desire you will find a very spiritual place. She is like a grandmother, a mentor, a mother, a sister, and a friend. She espouses all the best features of each, and brings even more. Meeting with her makes me feel intellectually alive and spiritually renewed, more connected to myself.

Monday morning she told me my life was meaningless unless I was led by my desire. She made me realize that this new path I am taking may not be my last but it is a step in the right direction for living a life more aligned. She reminded me that my evolution would take work, constant vigilance and re-working over time. A continuous process of reinventing and rediscovering myself.

Good friends like this usually come with a cup of coffee. I left the coffee shop that morning uplifted, I left it renewed. Not only that, but had a heck of a caffeine buzz (3 shot Americano). Every Monday morning should start like this. Every week should kick off with the commitment to find and reconnect to your desire. Every day should start out with 16 ounces of hope and good friends.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

EW,
This is excellent and something I always wonder about people...people that complain daily about their lives but do nothing to change it. Sure, there are things we ALL have to do that we don't want to - that is life. But, only WE are in charge of our destiny and that is led by desire. A few years ago I followed that desire...and there is NOTHING more scarey and intimidating than getting out of your comfort zone...but when it works, the payoff is worth every single moment of uncertainty. And, I never looked back. You won't either....congrats! :) Jennifer

Brenda O said...

One of your best blogs yet. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us” – Helen Keller

GOOD LUCK. But you don't need it. You have desire!

Pam Sinel said...

Thanks for sharing that! I love your blog, I never know what I am going to get but its always good.