Thursday, September 20, 2007

Bringing Healthy Back

After four days spent in post-race-sugar-meltdown, I am so ready to bring healthy back.

It started with a cookie after the race, then a bagel with peanut butter, about a quart of coffee, a piece of chicken, some rice, half a piece of cheesecake, the chocolate frosting off of Chris’ cake (poor guy – the price of being a slow eater), then scoops full of chocolate frosting. And then, to top that all off after the awards I demanded a trip to Dairy Queen. Hey, when I fall off the wagon I fall hard and with no shame.

Sunday was no better. The day started with a little coffee in my cream, a bagel, more peanut butter, a cinnamon crunch something so sticky is hurts my teeth to talk about it, all of the little yellow corns from a bag of Mellocremes, a chocolate sports nutrition bar (please don’t ask – we were driving, I was hungry, it was the only thing edible in the car), lots of dark chocolate, a piece of pumpkin bread, and then a healthy turn at dinner that seemed so useless at that point. And then for desert I had the great idea to break pieces of dark chocolate and dip them in the peanut butter jar (the best idea I’ve had in weeks).

The next day I woke up. I had a headache.

Imagine that?

My legs were feeling better but my head was still spinning from a post-race weekend of sugar overload. Sadly, I realized it was time to go off the sugar again. Goodbye peanut butter, goodbye chocolate, goodbye sticky cinnamon crunchy things, goodbye coffee cream.


Sigh.

I spent the rest of the day eating like my healthy normal self. Oatmeal, raisins, yogurt, noodles, tofu, tomatoes – gulp - black coffee. But no cream? No cream.

After swimming, I realized our house was out of most healthy normal things. So I went to the grocery store. Though I am filling my cart with a rainbow of healthy foods, I want to tear down the candy aisle tossing buckets of chocolate covered things into my cart. And ice cream. Cake. Milk to wash it all down.

Turning my head, trying to resist, steering the cart away….but…..not….working…..wheels…are…turning….

Dammit, I give in. I decide I need another day of sugar meltdown to release this all the way. Because you know if you don’t fully purge yourself of the sugar monster it will sneak in with all sorts of weird ways. Case "in" point (got it now, thanks!) – Phillipe after the race tells me he “tried” to give up sugar, tried to keep it out of his house then found himself at midnight eating entire bags of raisins or making a meal out of sports bars to get his sugar fix.

Uh, Phillipe, if you’re going to crash at least do it the right way – bury your face in a bag of M&M’s or something. Screw the raisins. Those still count as fruit.

So, breaking down in the grocery store, I wheeled into the candy aisle. Oh candy aisle of all candy aisles. Trader Joe’s has the most delectable candy aisle. Chocolate covered raspberry swizzle sticks. Chocolate covered nuts. Chocolate bricks. Mini peanut butter cups. I select dark chocolate covered caramel chunks and big peanut butter cups (who eats mini peanut butter cups? WHO?).

Driving home I knew it would be a long ride. It was rush hour, around the suburbs, so 5 miles could very well take 5 days. You know what this means – better bring those chocolate covered caramel squares into the passenger seat lest they don’t get lonely in the trunk.

I am driving and eating my caramel squares. In moments, my hands are covered in melted dark chocolate and I have a chocolate clown mouth. Chocolate has melted on to the seatbelt and on to my shorts. Chris keeps telling me he wants to buy me a new car, but I simply cannot understand where I will wipe my chocolately hands in a new car (unless it also has cloth seats).

Waiting at a stoplight, I jokingly look at the nutritional content. 160 calories in 2 pieces “small”. But what if you have eaten the entire bucket with pieces both big and small. How many smalls make a big? And if I eat too many fat calories from small plus big will I just explode?

For now it doesn’t matter. Because midnight is many hours away. And until then I will recklessly eat peanut butter cups and lick fingers of melted chocolate. But tomorrow I will bring healthy back. If not for my blood sugar, then for sacrifice in hopes of success at my next race.

And to show you how serious I am, I will put it to song. Because everything is much more serious when put to song. Soon to be a hit for me and JT:

I’m bringing healthy back,
Unhealthy foods you better watch your act
You know your full of saturated fats,
Because they’re listed on your nutrition facts.
(Take it to the ‘fridge)
Healthy, babe, you see this ‘fridge here it’s so healthy babe,
Tomatoes, broccoli, spinach, I’m your slave,
I’ll chop and cook you each and every day.
(Take it to the pantry)
Come here oil
(go ahead, it’s olive)
Eggs to boil
(go ahead they’re cage free)
Plain yogurt you see
(go ahead, it’s low fat )
And a bag of flax seeds.
(keeps you regular)
Loaves of wheat bread,
(with whole wheat flour)
Hummus as a spread,
(go ahead, it’s garlic)
Fresh peppers in a box,
(red, orange, yellow)
Tomato sauce.
(of course organic)
Get your healthy on, get your healthy on.
Get your healthy onnnnn, get your healthy on.

Yeah, I’m getting my healthy on. I’m eating my tofu on wheat bread and loving it bite by bite. But let me tell you, right now that chocolate power gel in the pantry is looking mighty good.

6 comments:

sentania said...

I eat the mini peanut butter cups. I find that they have a better ratio of PB to chocolate then the full size ones!

Brenda O said...

AHHH!
Great song modification! You beat Weird Al any day!

Anonymous said...

god is that what that's called?!?!?!?!? i had two milkey way bars for breakfast and a grab bag of cheddar cheese ruffles potatoe chips. most unhealthy i have been in months!!!! but i couldn't stop myself... marathon training.....

meredit

Applepie said...

TJ's has these awesome dark chocolate covered almonds with a light coating of sea salt, which might sound gross but are actually the best thing EVER. They cure my chocolate, salt, and protein cravings all in one little tub!

Anonymous said...

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Bob Mitera said...

I love the song.

Seriously...you are just figuring out something in the peanut butter jar? That's how I get thru the February build up to spring training camp. Nestle semi-sweet morsels mixed with however much PB you dig - except I go for the sugar laiden Skippy Crunchy. It's 'sorta' healthy...