Friday, September 07, 2007

Surf's Up

A small miracle has occurred.

………We have cable.

We’re talking the real deal, all channels, all systems go at all times cable.

Understand that we have had the most limited cable for the past 3 years. The basic package required in our neighborhood just to be able to turn on the t.v. and see something on the screen.

Sure, basic cable included a few worthy channels – TBS, great for Friends and Sex in the City reruns, The Travel Channel – I absolutely love No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain while Chris absolutely loves traveling across Europe with his television honey Samantha Brown, and – of course – our favorite television channel of all is Versus; home of Cyclism Sundays, Tred Barta hunting specials, and – drumroll please – PBR, baby, PBR.

On top of that – as if it wasn’t enough – we get two channels in Spanish, three religious channels, the Golf channel, CSPAN, and some family channel.

Yes, we actually had to pay good money for these basic cable channels.

So tonight, when we turned on the television, we realized a small miracle had occurred – somehow, by some divine action, we were gifted with cable.

Cable?

Yes, cable. FULL cable. Food channel, MTV, VH1, TLC, ESPN, Comedy Channel, Nickelodeon something on for somebody at all times, never a dull moment, channel surfing all night long let’s load our brains with visual pollution in the form of talk shows, reality shows, contest shows, sports shows, shows, shows, shows, cable.

CABLE!

Ssh! I fear if we say it too loud it will disappear. That we’ll be back to 3 channels again.

This miracle couldn’t have happened at a better time. We don’t really watch much television (estimating viewing time per week right now = none) but come October 14th, we will have time to do nothing BUT watch television. And can you imagine how much television we’ll have to watch to fill in our Ironman training hours? I sadly admit that in 8 days we rode over 400 miles. Yes, I am feeling all 400 miles in a million different ways mostly in my left leg. But the point is that 400 miles takes time. And after October 14th, all that time will be empty.

What to fill it with? CABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now I am typing this and watching cable. Chris is channel surfing and we have stopped – momentarily – at something on the Cartoon Network. Before that I watched some weird people making wedding cakes on the Food Channel. I don’t really know what any of this is all about, I don’t care. I just want my smorgasboard of entertainment and I want it now. Change the channel. CHANGE THE CHANNEL. Don’t stop too long because that’s the fun of cable isn’t it – that we don’t have to decide up on something or anything for more than – say – 3 seconds before we can flip and change our minds.

AMC. Some movie. FLIP. HGTV – didn’t even stop long enough to see what’s on. TLC someone’s building something. Who cares. CLICK! History Channel – Star Wars. Star Wars? Oh, use the force, Chris, USE THE FORCE and stop the channel surfing NOW.

Chris switches to the Spike channel. I’m half paying attention, half not, but the half that is in realizes that the show makes absolutely no sense at al. But then again, it’s a station for men and I am woman so maybe it shouldn’t make sense to me. Either way, I’m growing impatient. With the plethora of whatever is out there on the other channels we don’t have time to settle on this.

“What the heck is this?” I ask, pointing to television now showing a bunch of men in a boxing ring. Dumb. Seriously. Do we as husband and wife training together for Ironman not fight enough that we have to watch people fight on tv? Turn it off. OFF!

“I don’t know,” Chris says, fixated on whatever it is on the screen, like it’s the best story he’s ever heard.

“You’ve got a million channels to choose from with anything you’d want to watch and you settle on this?” I say.

You see, this is the curse of cable. There are so many choices that you don’t know what to choose so you settle on something just to make a choice. And we have chosen this stupid show about fighting.

Sigh.

No sooner does he switch to USA. Law & Order. An old favorite. Then the channel switches again. Again. Back to TBS, a few more switches, click again, and….

I’m dizzy.

After watching Chris flip through all of the channels and trying to follow his path, I realize that perhaps this flip and trip through the cable should be saved for a later time, when I have the energy to follow the non-stop channel flip, when I put aside my swim bike run for a little surfing in the winter time.


....psst......CABLE!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth,
Last year we were gifted with cable as well. The "cable guy" came over to fix some minor thing and I offered him a beer (no kidding) and we suddenly had FULL BLOWN cable for "free". There is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING better than full blown cable in the off season...Marathon days of "Dirty Jobs" is what it is all about. Haha. I actually like TV, always have. Not really a music person, so the TV is my white noise. Anyway, ENJOY....after October 14th!! Jen

Brenda O said...

Remember that episode of Friends when the guys discovered they had the Porn channel for free and they were afraid to shut the TV off because they were afraid it would go away... he he he he hee....

Bob Mitera said...

Drive the TV. Chris knows that if he leaves a show on for more than 15 seconds it will freeze the image into the TV permenantly or worse lock into that station.

Next you'll need a DVR or Tivo so you can watch endless hours of events like the San Diego Marathon, Spirit of Racine Triathlon, the Malibu Triathlon or every freakin' second of the Tour de France. When you move your trainer in front of the TV and set up a table to hold extra water bottles and remote controls...we can start a support group. I removed two pieces of furniture in order to put a trainer in the living room - thus making my wife very happy.