Thursday, February 21, 2008


One week until it begins.


An idea came to us a few months ago. What if we – women of the winter – were to head to somewhere sunny and warm to train?

First matter - where would we go? Who do we know? Ashley lives in South Carolina. Like it or not Ashley, we are crashing your place. And we’re bringing our bikes and more friends.

The plan was quickly set in motion. Jennifer, myself, soon we had talked Mary Eggers, Leslie Curley into it. Ashley Long had no choice but to agree. A few weeks later we wondered – what is Marit up to? She was in. Then just recently Bri Gaal confirmed that she too will be there.

First things first – we need a swimsuit. Why? Why not. If we are going to go full tilt on the all female weekend we might as well get semi-matching swimsuits. And matching pillowcases for our naked pillow fights, right? Each of us designed what I would call perhaps the most flamboyant swimsuits EVER in nauseous colors of pinks, purples and light blue covered in flowers, the letters HTFU written across the chest, our names on our ass and on the upper back the words I LOVE TO SWIM.

Because we all do. Sort of.

Next up – code names. No camp is complete without code names. Jennifer – easy – Miss Daisy. Myself – I am Smallie Biggs (thank you to one of my athletes for revealing this identity to me) or ELF, Marit – I deem her The Kid because she is like 12 years old, Leslie – Curly. Come on, it's her hair. Ashley – The Sleeper. Because I have a feeling she will surprise all of us. Mary is Miss Mary Sunshine. I have never met someone more positive than her. And after much resistance Bri accepted the title Shorty. Not because she is, but because she was never ridden longer than 75 miles.

Apparently, those people really do still exist.

Ok, next on the agenda is the agenda. We have left this in the hands of Miss Daisy and Sunshine. Better to go in blindly than the fret about it for weeks on end. They have some rigorous plan of 400’s, hill climbs, and trail runs planned out. I think. All I know is that I will show up at the airport next Thursday with trashy magazines in hand and a bike box ready to go.

(and ear plugs, mustn’t forget the ear plugs for sitting next to Missy Daisy on the plane)

Aside from that we are also hoping to accomplish three very serious things:

1 – Drink coffee – mandatory! Invitation to camp came with disclaimer that you must be capable of consuming large quantities of coffee without peeing yourself (though this last part has come into question recently)

2 – Locate one large handsome pro cyclist with the initials GH, wrestle him to the ground & shove him into my bike box so I can bring him home (my sources tell me he lives in Greenville).

3 – Have fun – fun? Yes, fun! Training and fun can co-exist. We think. In the spirit of fun I have put together a list of possible extracurricular activities for the camp:

Sitting around with our heart rate monitors on while telling stories about our husbands/dogs/children/significant others and then downloading heart rate data to see whose story got us closest to our LT. Figuring out how you could use an SRM in the bedroom to download power data – and more importantly, determine who would wear the crank. And where? Hypothesizing what would happen if we sealed Jennifer Harrison’s mouth shut for one day straight. Or, better yet, secretly feed Jennifer caffeine all weekend long as an experiment in how many words can one person say. Maybe just freeze Mary’s skort. Oh like who didn’t freeze their friend’s clothes during a slumber party in junior high? Make Marit confess that she was born after 1990. Play truth or dare where the person that doesn’t tell the truth has to take a gel for every year since they were born. Throw a banana in Ashley’s spokes while she rides. Pour Parmesan Cheese in Jen’s bike shoes overnight. Better yet throw it in mine to see if they can possibly smell any worse. Play guess whose orthotics these are. Make prank Skype calls to all of our favorite pro male triathletes. Talk about boys. Tell stories about being stuck being smelly boys in triathlon. Eat chocolate power bars dipped in chocolate power gel. Decide which male age group has the best looking legs. Body mark the first person that falls asleep with numbers representing their CP6, CP30 and CP60 power output.

Seriously, though, I am really looking forward to this. I have already warned camp participants that I am generally a great person except that when training a lot the first thing I lose are my social skills. It’s a combination of lack of food, coffee, and fatigue. The social skills just walk right away and I’m left with moody and aloof. If you can get past that and quickly revive me with food/coffee, I am otherwise a fabulous person.

I swear.

Now, a lot of people have asked what do the letters H – T – F – U stand for. Well I guess Mary has been telling everyone it stands for Hot Fun. Which isn’t so bad. Although it makes our tri camp sounds like porn star camp. So it really stands for harden the f – up. That’s right. This isn’t a girlie girlie namby pamby camp. It’s for the hard core . We’ve come from the lands of cold and snow (Kansas, Illinois, New York) and we require at least 10 gallons of coffee to thaw out. We’ve been strapped to our trainers all winter so when we finally have pavement under our wheels and permission to roll….well, there is no telling how fast we will go. So if you see us out there feel free to hop on. But you better put your aero helmet on cause we’re not waiting at the corners for anyone.


Train-This said...

Hot Fun and SKIRT not SKORT! HA HA!

:-) Sunshine!

Beth said...

You guys will have a blast!!! Hope you have wonderful weather (HAS to be better than IL of course!), great training and lots of great stories to tell. Or is there a rule of what happens in camp stays in camp? :)

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

I was born in 1981, thank you very much! (Do I really seem like I'm 12???) Sheesh. :)

What could have clued you in???
-Underwear with bike shorts
-Never working out in only a Sports Bra
-Having to look up definistions of SRP or power stuff or whatever...
-Never having EVER thought about wearing my hr monitor during sex, but blushing and giggling at the thought
-adding tons of creamer to my coffee
-Cake - we get to eat cake!

I'm sure we'll discover more.

-The Kid

Bob Mitera said...

I think we need the cameras of E! True Hollywood Story to be at this camp. Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Jerome says I can't go unless I tape the entire weekend. Like, "if you don't have pics, it didn't happen!" hee hee....

I am saving my voice JUST for you, Fedofsky.

Miss Daisy
aka: JenH.

Anonymous said...

Type in "HTFU" into The first find should be a Ronnie John skit from Australia. There isn't a better explanation of what the meaning of HTFU is.

(Ronnie John is parodying Chopper Reid, an infamous criminal/thug in Australia which was cronicled in the movie "Chopper" starring Eric Bana.)


kelli said...

my brother trains in greenville with GH every year. pretty sure i can get that address for ya;);)

Pedergraham said...

Hope your camp is absolutely awesome all the way around! Sounds great (except that part about the parmesan in the shoes...).

Cat said...

maybe you can return the favor and tell GH how "smockin'" you think he is. holy heck i still laugh my arse off about that one!

Kellye Mills said...

Oh my gosh... this sounds like so much fun!! I'm going to spend the entire year pushing myself to go faster JUST so I can go with next year and keep up with all you hard core, coffee drinking women!! And BTW: Are there triathletes out there who DON'T drink coffee???

I hope you guys have a blast and GREAT weather!! Now, can we come stay with you in the summer when it's 100F and 100% humidity here in Atlanta?? :)

BreeWee said...

Man oh man! This sounds like too much fun... maybe next year you can bring camp HTFU to Hawaii, I have a LOT of pro HOT guy tri friends we can invite for you... my friend Mike Simpson is here with us for a bit and you would like him :)
I hope you all have a ton of fun and reach some great new training peaks & please never leave the camp without a camera! With the mix of you girls it should mean for some funny photos!

Mira Lelovic said...

Open invitation to my house in Arkansas for next year's camp, but you have to wait for me at the corners :-)
Who is GH?
What is CP6, CP30 and CP60? Star Wars characters?
I'll be up to visit you with Kellye in August to escape the heat!

IronMin said...

Ummm, if you bring GH home, will you share with others? I love HTFU Camp. Sounds like a blast. Will there be pictures?

Sally said...

can't wait to hear the stories! maybe I could organize a HTFU "Masters" camp! Wishing you all the best fun, warmth and some good and grueling training.

Jessi said...

Ha! Kellye beat me to the punch - I was going to write "my new goal is not to win a certain race or hit a certain pace, but to get fast enough that next year I'm on the invite list." :)

Anonymous said...

to the kid - i thought i was the only one that wore underware with my bikeshorts!

sounds like fun! and i love miss daisy no matter how much she talks!!! hee hee!


Ashley said...

I CAN'T WAIT!!! This is what it's all about, this is why I train, this is why I love this sport...

RobC said...

Will there be an autograph signing session in G'vegas?

Anonymous said...

Have fun ladies! I am so jealous!

You are missing something in your itinerary ... BLOGGING! Make time to share the fun with the rest of us if you can!