Let me start by saying…..
I know what you’ve been up to.
I’m calling you out. I know what you’ve been up to during the indoor long rides. And not only because I am your coach or your friend. But because I know and feel your pain. I am sitting there doing the same. For that, I feel it is confession time.
I am shamelessly addicted to trashy television shows during indoor trainer rides.
(there, I said it. I have come clean. I can sleep again)
Honestly I never turn on the tv. Can’t stand it. EXCEPT, however, EXCEPT when I am on the bike. It is my weakness. I would say Achilles heel but then I would have to knock on everything wooden in my house to prevent injury to that tendon. I’m kind of a superstitious gal.
But I can’t help it. You see, in the past week I have done 3 rides upwards of 3 hours. There are only so many times you can sit and listen to your I-Tunes. After awhile they become the same tunes over and over again. And sitting on my bike in a dark room with no fan – now that’s just plain dumb. And if it means I will never win Kona well then so be it at least I will still have my mind.
When music or monotony of the pattern in the carpet isn’t enough for the long ride, I turn to television. But not just any television. No. You see, I have a taste for the trashiest shows around. Completely mindless, useless, utterly wasteful television that does nothing but eat away at my brain cells and steal one good vocabulary word for each hour that goes by.
Lately, I’ve lost a lot of good words.
But I know I’m not alone. Because I read and I hear about how you are doing the same. So I beg you to join me in the confessional. Don’t worry there is a screen between you and the rest of the world (literally, right?) that will keep your identity anonymous and relieve you of your shame.
So, raise your hand if you have watched the following shows:
America’s Next Top Model
Flavor of Love
Rock of Love
And, I cannot believe I am saying this publicly in an open forum…….
Keeping up with the Kardashians
I have just lost major vocabulary words. And points.
Yes, I admit it. I have a problem. And that problem is watching problematically inane t.v. These shows do nothing but prove that somewhere somehow two people are finding each other, figuring out how to use their private parts to make something that is collectively more stupid than the sum of their private parts.
I watch these shows and think to myself – I may be _______ but at least I am not THAT (that being whatever I am seeing unfold before me on the screen that makes me think oh no she didn’t). And I think that is why I watch. Because no matter how bad things will ever get for me, they will never look as bad as that.
Which is probably why I really don't understand the HOW. How do you get to the point where you think appearing on one of these shows would be a good thing. A resume builder. Something that builds character for sure. I mean, Chris could leave me destitute in the middle of I-88 with a hobo stick and my dog and still -STILL- I would not think gee you know what comes next, you know what I should do? Try to win Bret Michael’s heart.
Or how about - I have so much money that I think I will invite a camera crew into my house for proof that money can buy clothes, lips, hair, purses, and boobs but cannot – CANNOT – buy non-whiny voices and brains. Yes, at that point I would be keeping up with that one particular family for sure. Let's see - the whole idea of a television show about......really.....what is it about? Good looking girls and.....what? The stupid things they do! They did it to themselves! There is nothing to be learned from this show other than what we suspected all along - you can have millions of dollars without being worth much. Still I would totally trade my small dog and small chest for one of their purses.
Rock of Love. Bandanna. The man wears a bandanna. There are also women competing for this love that still hairspray their bangs. Enough said.
Flavor Flav. WHAT TIME IS IT? Maybe it’s because I grew up in Brooklyn but when I see Flavor Flav I just want to fight the power. Funny thing is that Boss has one of those retractable leashes that sometimes I drop when he’s waiting to go outside and it makes him look like Flavor Flav with the big clock around his neck. So we call him Tick Tock sometimes. What I don’t get though is how Flavor Flav went from fighting the power to fighting for cheap love from flaky women.
For as much as I find these shows senseless and stupid, I am grateful for the entertainment value they provide. Because without them I might find myself staring at a wall for 3 hours with no fan. Or watching Rachel Ray make something that I swear to god will take me 3 hours but her only 30 minutes...
Please don't leave me alone in my basement. I encourage you to admit your weaknesses too. Come out of your basements and confess your crimes. Find comfort in knowing that I too am a junk tv addict and I thank the Bret Michaels, top models and Kardashians of the world for helping me pass my time.