Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Drawing The Line

Where do you draw the line?

I’m talking about Facebook. I’m talking about what most of us probably spend more time than we care to admit looking for pictures of our classmates to confirm who got fat. Or throwing things like Justin Timberlake at our friends when really we should be doing something more constructive around our home. Or joining groups like My Chihuahua Can Kick Your Ass.

Well, he can.

And don’t act like you don’t do this stuff too. I can see when you're online. I know you're out there.

But where do you draw the line?

Example: in the past week I have gotten two friend requests from old boyfriends. First of all, I forgot they were at one point a boyfriend. Gee thanks for the reminder. Second of all, it was like in junior high – days we shall call “those which I would really like to forget.” Why? Have you not been to junior high? I would like to burn all photos and memories of those years. Downright embarrassing. Third, chances are my personality/maturity at that age was….all right maybe much hasn’t changed but do I need someone from age 13 reminding me of that?

NO WAY!

So I have selectively chosen to ignore their requests. For now. Because I cannot bear the embarrassment of knowing that someone out there remembers me at that age and serves as proof that I was alive and didn’t just skip ahead to age 26 when finally you seem to have a handle on yourself.

I think.

But it is fun, isn’t it? If you haven’t been bit by the Facebook bug just wait. You will. You can find anyone on it. I found several of my classmates from good old P.S. 203 in Brooklyn. That was over 25 years ago! They still look the same. And I remember them all by name! I can’t remember anyone from college. High school – seriously I don’t care to look. Again years I would like to erase. I’ve always been leary of people who “loved” high school. Where did you go, Sweet Valley High? Yeah? Well while you were dressed like a Barbie doll I looked like something straight out of Square Pegs.




Talk about four years lived as awkwardly as possible. And no that is not me. Those two are the Square Pegs. Somehow looking like that they got their own show on t.v. Me - I just had to actually live real life with the braces and fluffy bangs.

I introduced my mom to Facebook the other day. I showed her all of the relatives and all of my old Brooklyn friends. Seems like all of my Brooklyn Italian friends have only gotten more Italian by marrying an Italian and giving their kids Italian names.

Long live the Italians.

Anyways, at first mom wanted a Facebook account. But then as she started realizing it’s a tool for people to find you she was like – no, I don’t need that. I don’t need people finding me. This is my mom. She is the most covert operation you will ever meet. I swear she had an alternate life in the 60’s that none of us are aware of.

And for the record, mom – I’m with dad on this one: we know you had a leather fringe jacket.

(I don't have a picture of this but I just know)

Sometimes I like to patrol other people’s friend lists to see if I know anyone or can invite anyone else to be my friend. Sometimes I’ll see someone like The Bachelor and think he would make a really cool friend but then again is he really going to be my friend or just another number on my friend list. So is it worth it for me to sit there, biting nails wondering if The Bachelor will accept my request to be his friend?


(oh pipe down, if you had abs like that I'd put you on my blog too)

Probably not. But I did notice that Mira was friends with him anyways. I’m jealous, girl.

A few months ago, I was cruising Rob’s friend list and noticed he had become friends with a certain 70.3 world champion.

No.

No?

Yes.

I called him out on this. How did he get her to be his friend? He gave me some story about it which I can’t remember right now but I do remember that he dared me to ask her to be friends. Well, I can’t. I mean, she’ll see right through me. She’ll know that even though she is a pro and I am a pro that she is in a completely different pro league. Like PGA tour while I’m stuck playing putt-putt. But…do you think….that she would really be my friend? Rob said I should try. I sat with fingers on keys waiting to press send and then…I did it. Got bold and requested to be her friend.

Waiting.

Waiting.

And then a short while later…confirmed.

She’s my new best friend.

That’s totally a lie. She has no clue who I am and I’m ok with that because she would probably realize I was the one sitting at the dinner table with her in St. Croix watching her eat.

*nothing says psychostalker like watching someone eat*

Right now I have 111 friends. I find that funny because in real life I have about 2. Including my dog. And my husband. You got me. I have no friends. But on Facebook I am so popular. Do you remember the popular kids? I wasn’t one of them but I remember them like I was. In fact, wait a minute, let me look one of them up on Facebook……yup….

Confirmed. They are now really, really ugly. And they only have 110 friends.

I win.

Finally.

So if you are on Facebook, look me up. As long as we didn’t date in junior high I will be your friend.

Unless you throw Justin Timberlake at me.

At that point I draw the line. And say we can no longer be friends. Unless you have really good aim and he ends up right in my lap. In that case, you've just become my 112th friend.

18 comments:

Beth said...

Ah Facebook...awesome in so many ways but very bad in so many ways too.... I'll admit it though - I am addicted! I think it's hilarious too how many "friends" you can dig up...did you ever see those people with like 874 friends?! I think you are well on your way! :)

Meredith said...

Funny....I was on Facebook right before I checked your blog. :)

Wes said...

Forwarding you my picture now... and no, you won't find me on Facebook. I, too, would rather not be found ;-)

Alili said...

So, so true. Never in my life have I had so many friends...too bad I still don't have anyone to call up on the phone. Crap.

Cat said...

uh-oh ... you are gonna be SO inundated!

LZ said...

Great post...too many hours spent on that damn website, but it is just too addicting!
-Laurie

Anonymous said...

i think i have 12 friends on faceboook. i use myspace(31 friends)....which is a 'ghetto detroit trailer park' compared to the 'security and doorman condo complex' that facebook is. (check out www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) hee hee!

meredoff

endurancegirl said...

you are hilarious!! I have to say, I did request Andy Baldwin as a friend....(I had an excuse because my good friend knows him). Now I see his constant status updates and posted pictures with 1,000,000 girls and he he lost some attractiveness...he seems a little self involved!

Anyway, your blog is very entertaining!

Laura

Anonymous said...

Ha! I love your competitiveness in Facebook too! But, I definitely have more friends in my real life! :) Jen H.

E.L.F. said...

Jen, the imaginery friends you talk to in your kitchen don't count.

Mama Simmons said...

I bet Andy will respond to your friend request if you tell him that you're blogging with one of his 'Team Island' buddies from Hawaii that he used to swim with... ;) Andy used to be my neighbor here in Hawaii before he moved to D.C. ;)

CAMI said...

Hilarious as always. I have so few friends on facebook I've considered asking my (much younger) sisters' friends to be my friends, but then I thought I'd just look desperate. And seriously, where did you get my picture from the 80's??? DUDE!

Damie said...

Elizabeth, this is too funny. I have a handful of requests just sitting there ignored because I don't remember them- or can't find a reason to be their friend- or weren't they mean to me in high school? Now my friends from grade school (the early years)- those are keepers. And none of them are on facebook- go figure.

Mira Lelovic said...

Andy Baldwin DID accept me as his friend! I don't have to tell you how excited I was to see his body, I mean face, on your blog. But I still wonder if it's really his Facebook account or an imposter? He only has like 10,000 friends, and they're all female!

Anonymous said...

Very funny Elizabeth!
Mom

BreeWee said...

I have never been on face book, but it might be my new sport since Kona ain't happening for me! If so, you can be my 1st friend! ha ha...

See ya in Kona, we can cheer together... let me know when you get in and if you want to swim or anything with me... or borrow a bike and we can just take any easy ride or run in the energy lab for fun :)

Cy said...

Funny! I have the Facebook App loaded to my iPhone, so there's no end to the madness.

PS-I hope to meet you this weekend in Madison.

KodaFit said...

I was grateful the day that the network guys at work decided that facebook was an inappropriate web-site - Kind of forced me to go cold turkey!