Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Kona Is Coming

In less than one week we leave for Kona.

The lovely airline informed us that our two flight trip just turned into a three flight trip. That would be Kona via San Francisco via Denver via Chicago. We leave some time early morning Monday and arrive some time the following Monday. Or that’s how it will feel after that many airports and plane changes.

I would consider it a small miracle if I make it to Kona with all of my personal belongings, the ability to unfold myself from a seated position and my sanity. Why? Because that’s a lot of time in a confined space with people filled with germs all their little always going to work sick germs, eating fast food germs, never taking care of themselves GERMS.

I’m thinking of bringing a mask.

And, then there are the in-law parents. They are on the same plane. I have never traveled with them but I do realize that they are like the Ironman of world travelers. I have no business being on the same plane with them. In the past year they have been to Alaska, the Phillipines, Brazil, Tokyo and the Mediterranean. I have been to…Connecticut and a few other humble states. It’s safe to say their passports could kick my passport’s ass.

I am most concerned about taking more than two flights because it means I cannot knock myself out with my friend Ambien. I reserve this special pill for long plane flights. For example, last year on the way to Kona. It was the only way I could survive Los Angeles to Kona sitting in economy coach. To prepare myself for any side effects, I did some reading beforehand. Most importantly I read that one should never force themselves to stay awake on Ambien or else you might hallucinate.

Really? All of a sudden economy coach just became 100x more fun.

Anyways, I put on compression socks, popped the pill, said “see you in Kona” to Chris and proceeded to wait to fall asleep.

And waited.

And waited.

Now this did not surprise me. For some reason I have this freakish ability to process things with side effects. Coffee, for one. It takes a lot – I mean A LOT of coffee for me to get the jitters. Beer – it has little to no effect on me which is why I do not drink it. And then Tylenol PM. I need about 3 to do anything.

*still waiting*

Someone out there right now is thinking this girl has superpartyhero abilities. I do. You should see my cape. Unfortunately to my husband's dismay I do not tap into these powers often enough.

30 minutes later when I still wasn’t asleep I got a little worried. First of all, what does it take to shut the elf down? Second of all, how would I pass nearly 5 hours on a plane without more magazines? Lastly, how would I survive 5 hours on nothing but peanuts and one glass of water out of those stupid little cups?

Would it kill them to give me two cups of water? Huh?

I got even more worried because if I wasn’t trying to stay awake would the hallucinations still set in if I was still awake. Is there a difference? At that point I remember thinking the tray table would open itself up and eat me alive. And I remember a small child screaming behind me. Or maybe that was myself in fear of being eaten by the tray table.

After that point it’s safe to say I fell asleep.

So if the weather is good in four different parts of the country, we make all of our connections we will actually arrive late Monday. The rest of the Waterstraat clan arrives at a different time. We have split the group in half – and my half will be staying with Chris’ parents. I found that out the other day. I am both elated and scared. Elated because Chris’ parents are nice people. Scared because his mom has a habit of traveling with enough luggage to require a personal Sherpa (and I AM NOT SHARING MINE). Scared because….I looked at Mr. Tom (Chris’ dad) the other day and very sternly said:

You will not be waking up at 4:30 am

He said no, not on vacation. But since Hawaii is 5 hours behind it’s safe to say he will be waking up at 11:30 pm for the first few days.

My first task on Tuesday is to swim. Then coffee.

(enter sound of angelic choir singing from above): Hawaiian coffee

Then I shall run up and down Alii Drive really fast while everyone else says "there goes a girl leaving her race on Alii Drive on Tuesday". SUCKAS! I’m not doing the race so I can run as fast as I want. And just to prove my point I am going to find all of the men in the 30 – 34 age group running up and down that street, run right past them, dangle there for a moment then start the slow boil because I know two things – (1) the competitive animal in them does not want to be passed, (2) the competitive animal in them will blow their taper to keep up. As long as I can find all 200+ men in the age group by Saturday it’s safe to say my husband’s age group will be pretty clear.

If you would like me to do the same for those in your particular age group it can be arranged. For a small fee (that would be cof - fee!).

I have received my workouts for next week and let me just say you might not be seeing much of me! Sherpa Thomas bring your party pants with extra padding because we are going to have about 300 miles of cycling fun. Give or take. I do however want to balance work and fun. Vacation with training. Mark my words: I will not spend the entire week in workout clothes.

There is no point in marking what will never happen.

I will update my blog daily with photos and talk of what’s going on around town. If you have specific people you would like me to chase (hunt) down, I will take requests. And pictures if possible. And if you’re lucky, I’ll get that person to autograph my leg and I’ll save the pen for you.

6 days..counting down...


Kona Shelley said...

Hilarious...can you get Natasha's picture??? Have soooo much fun, but i don't have to tell you that.

Muppetdog said...

You are making this sound like WAY too much fun for those of us who haven't been. It sounds like spectathlon is where it's at!

If you need anything during your layover in SFO (real coffee snuck through security, snack refills, etc), just holler.

Wes said...

Oh Lord... I always knew that women were evil, but this just takes it to a new level of deviousness... LOL... Chris isn't going to be one of those 200+ men is he? Or is he immune by now??

Unfortunately, I won't be able to make the trip to Kona. Just when my swim time was just at the right point where I trailed behind you far enough to attract the sharks yet not disturb your workout. So sorry!

You have fun!! :-)

P.S. If you still want the dead fish and specially devised ankle straps, let me know. I'll over night them. Maybe you can trick Sherpa Thomas into wearing them. Tell him they add resistance to the swim.

Kim said...

Glad to hear you are doing your pre-plane ride visualization in order to cope with the anxiety. Way to be prepared! Kyle is going to be the only male in a house full of my mother, her girlfriend (well, friend, not um..girlfriend) and then my two friends from high school. I'm not sure how he is going to fare. Maybe I should just allow him to be drunk all week..like a free pass or something. We are four days and counting till plane take off, I can't believe it. I have to say I am excited to try and take some pictures with the pros (I'm a groupie, what can I say). Ok.. good luck with the packing cause um.. IT SUCKS!

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Good luck with the travel! You'll be fine... :) Have fun training and I'm sure that you'll love the cof-fee! And the swimming... And the biking... and the running... :)

Flatman said...

Have a blast. I would. 300 miles of cycling in Kona sounds like a leetle slice of heaven.

Get Bree to sign your leg and take lots of pics!!! :)

Roo said...

Please take photos of any guy who' s not wearing a shirt and has washboard abs. That includes Sherpa Thomas. He's getting a reputation....

kerrie said...

ha! i'll one up you your 'training' on ali'i. i'm checking in and getting my wrist band and will be flaunting it as i drink excessively as people mutter 'there she goes, drinking away her race....'.

RB said...

Make sure that you hide all of your tri shorts before Chris packs!!! I'm still not sold on compression socks, but the world does not need another round of CW's compression shorts.

Beer does not affect you because you don't drink it? Yeah - that must be it.

Cat said...

eat lappert's ice cream for me. wear a sarong. take photos. REMEMBER YOUR CAMERA CABLE THIS YEAR!
have tons of fun.
oh and photos from the underwear run are a MUST.

Alicia Parr said...

Sounds like a fool proof plan to improve your husband's chances against his age group competition. Only thing better is if you could get a close up picture of their expressions when you do the hang then accellerate. So, in answer to the male commenter: yes, we are that evil. Bwa ha ha ha!

Eileen Swanson said...

OMG I so wish I was going to be there with you, having so much fun swimming in the ocean and running on Alii with you. Bummer, but you will have to let us all know how much fun you are having....


Trigirlpink said...

Ahhhhh yes, Ambien. Ambien is your friend. Why are people so scared of Ambien? I hord it like Elaine does with The Sponge on Seinfeld.
Never ever a whole one is taken. I've learned I can cut that sleep
morsal in half and still get the same effect.
"you were snoring last night honey.. did you take Ambien?"

rr said...

She can't hide her tri shorts.. Chris qualified in then, crapped in them, and now he has to race in them again, right? Isn't that the rule?

Please write your age on your calf before running repeats on Alii. Help a sister out.