This morning I found myself in home away from home – the airport.
Destination – Seattle. Purpose – coffee. Lie. Try again. Purpose – visit niece, brother and pre-sister-in-law. A few visits with athletes. And more than a little coffee.
Who am I kidding. I plan on spending the next 4 days drunk on coffee.
I arrived without a hitch. Mastered the art of driving rental car on highway while talking to Cat on cell phone. Almost missed the West Seattle Bridge but pulled out my crafty Chicago driving skills to cut off about 4 unsuspecting hippie green no emissions runs on coffee cars and made it right on to that bridge.
West Seattle. My brother’s apartment has the most perfect view of the city from across the sound. The Space Needle, the shipyards, Mount Rainier. All within view on this gloriously sunny Seattle day.
Melissa (PSIL) and Annabel (niece) met up with me and after about two minutes I confirmed that Annabel is the world’s cutest child. There is no argument here. Just like Boss is the world’s cutest dog. As I suspected a year ago, she is a child genius and seems to have mastered the art of conversation even with just a few words (hot, what’s that, dada). Annabel carefully pointed out everything that was ‘hot’ in the apartment (candle, oven) and then quizzed me by asking ‘what’s that’ to all of her personal belongings.
We met up with Pete for lunch then Melissa, Annabel and I went for a walk. First, a cup of coffee then a stroll through the neighborhoods. Note to self: purchase stroller with cup holder unless you want child covered in Egg Nog Latte. Thinking perhaps that Melissa just had a faulty cup I took over as stroller pilot. No dice. That kid was covered in Americano in no time.
We’re walking along and I notice that my shoe has some pine needles on it that I can’t seem to shake off. Hmm….I look under my shoe to discover I have stepped in a massive pile of dog crap. Laugh all you want but this is the second time in the past month I have found my shoes completely swallowed by dog shit. The last time I was at the dog park with Applesauce. She, having a big dog, suggested we go into the big dog park. I there learned the difference between small and big dogs – lots and lots of poo. Also learned that big dog owners don’t seem to feel obligated to pick up their big doo piles of poo which accounts for my two shoes which were then suffocated by shit. SUFFOCATED as in could not get into the car wearing them, required a day’s soak in the basin and then still suspect about wearing them.
I frown on you, big dogs.
Today’s assault was not much better. After some picking with a stick, some baby wipes and then wiping my shoe over and over again in some grass (can you say psycho out of town visitor?) I realized it would take further cleaning action at home. Before getting back, we played at the park. And you know that a 14 month old can last about 14 minutes at a park before a complete meltdown occurs.
It happened on the way back the old you are the meanest mommy and aunt in the world for making me walk back for my daily nap. In protest while waiting for a stop light as if the tears and squeals were not enough, Annabel starts to pee. All over Melissa’s left foot.
At the apartment, Melissa goes into baby damage control while I head to the store across the street with an old scrubby brush to soil their bathroom with my poopy shoe. Of course the store is packed and the bathroom is too. I find a spare minute when everyone has exited and begin scrubbing my shoe fiercely hoping that no one that actually works at the store walks in and escorts me out as the hobo smearing poo in the sink of the upscale grocery store. Just what I need. Finally I realize the shoe is clean – thank goodness – and just as a safe measure I check the other shoe.
COVERED IN POO!
This called for serious measures so I bought a sponge at the store, went back to the apartment to beg Melissa to let me put the poo shoe in the sink. It took 15 minutes of scrubbing and the picking with a plastic fork before the mess was cleaned up completely. My shoes are wet and I’m not wearing pants because the bottoms were covered in poo too.
I asked Melissa if tonight was bath night – and if she would mind just throwing me in the sink along with Annabel.
So….I’m not moving from this apartment tonight.
It’s been more entertaining than I thought it would be. Melissa is working (waitresses at Circa, a hip little yummy restaurant in West Seattle) while Pete and I hang out with “B” (that’s Annabel for short). Watching her I’ve started to put together ideas for my Christmas list:
Suction cup dinnerware – I need this. No more elbow accidentally knocks dish off table, this dish is not moving from your high chair (not that I would fit in the high chair).
Bib with trough – food falls on the floor? No more – it falls in the trough and when you think you’ve run out food, check the trough, there’s always more.
Sippie cup – spills? Not with this cup. Not only that but it makes a really cool BOOM when you throw it off the table.
(I have since learned there is a 3 strikes and you’re out rule when you throw things off the table around here. Including sippie cups, chicken, beans and rice which means plastic socks would come in really handy around here...the floor is a landmine of dropped food)
Seatbelt on your chair – I don’t know why I need this but I just do.
Also, I realized that meal time is much more fun when you finish it by taking off your shirt.
Pete’s cooking now and promised me spicy food. This is something I can never indulge in because spicy food makes my husband sweat. I can’t wait.
I think I’m gonna need the bib with the trough.