Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Recovery Days

Thank you for all the cards, flowers, candygrams, well wishes, notes, gifts, praises, fruit baskets, mixed nuts, donations and to the person that also sent the stripper…..spot on.

Have a bad race, kind words and actions will follow. Somewhere in mid America there is a water tower with SAVE ELF painted on it. Even better if that water tower is filled with peanut butter cups.

*hint hint*

After a race, you think about what worked, what didn’t work and then you have recovery. One of the most frustrating things about have a frustrating race performance is that for the few days after the race there’s not much you can do. It’s not like you can channel your frustrations into a recovery ride. You can’t beat yourself up during a day off.

Alas all you can do is…recover. And recovery takes time. In the meantime, how do you fill all of that time? I’ve got some ideas.

1) Let husband go grocery shopping. Chances are that he will return with a tub of peanut butter cups.

2) Wake up and eat coffee for breakfast. That’s right, drive 10 minutes away from your house to pay money for coffee that you very well could have made yourself. Buy the biggest cup they have and fill it with at least two inches of cream.

3) When you finally feel like eating breakfast – skip it and go straight to lunch instead. Lunch requires a spoon, a jar of peanut butter, a glass of milk. That goes well with peanut butter cups, may I add.

4) Distract yourself with family drama, even better if it involves a pet psychic.

5) Go for an easy run and blame your 12:49 pace on weak satellites.

6) Find yourself on an easy ride feeling like the hills have gotten harder. Accuse husband of replacing your gears with 12 – 21. When he tells you’ve got 12 – 27, make a mental note to go home and count it – just to be sure.

7) When you drop your chain for the second time going up a hill, just push yourself the rest of the way with one foot. Slow is as slow does.

8) Dog park because you have not met your “I need to talk to one crazy person a week” quota.

10) I just realized I forgot #9.

11) Get on your stomach, look under the couch and decide you don’t need to clean what you can’t see.

12) Eat dinner at Noodles for the 10932840298th time this month.

13) Go for a recovery walk with your mom. Understand that the answer to any of your problems can be solved with one thing = baby.

14) Take dog in field behind house. Rather than play fetch with a ball like a NORMAL FREAKIN’ DOG, chase him away from massive pile of dog poo that he really wants to eat. Like – REALLY wants to eat it.

15) When your husband says something like “All that’s left to do is fluff the couscous with a fork” see where this reply goes: “you want to fluff me with your fork?”

16) Email ABK. A lot.

17) Bake a loaf of banana bread. Consider yourself in 1st place when you consume ¾ of it all by yourself.

18) DO NOT LOOK AT RACE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF.

19) If you should do #18, quickly insert #17 out of pity.

20) Find the most ridiculous thing you can become a fan of on Facebook (found it – “not being bitten by squirrels”).

21) Stay up until 2am – just ‘cuz.

22) Avoid the pool as long as possible.

23) Take one shower and ONE SHOWER ONLY for at least one day.

24) Consider a new sport – when marathoning pops into your head, hit yourself.

25) Do not do any housework or any work. Recovery is synonymous with holiday meaning you have permission to sit on your ass and get nothing done. Note that this will actually work against you if you run your own business. You will find yourself mid-week cursing your co-workers for getting nothing done.

26) Pick up sticks in the backyard. Consider it a workout. Log it into Training Peaks as “cross training.”

27) Drive around blasting “Blame It On The Alcohol” like it’s your anthem for…anything.

28) Go through an entire day wearing underwear. When was the last time you did that?

29) Make handcrafted invitations to your pity party.

30) Color yourself unimpressed with eating vegetables for dinner.

31) DO NOT LOOK AT RACE RESULTS.

32) If you should do #31 then insert #27 again.

Hmm…that’s all I’ve got so far. As you can see, it’s been a pretty exciting recovery week. Tomorrow
I’m going for a ride with JG and have a feeling my recovery ends there. I’m a little scared but then again I know I can pull out #29 if things really go bad.

And I swear if I ride by a water tower with my name on it, I’m turning around.

Happy recovery!

18 comments:

cheryl said...

FUNNY! Elizabeth you crack me up. I's like to add some of my best post race recoveries from this weekend - bacon for breakfast morning after! Trying to give your 120 golden retriever a bath because he just rolled in stink as bad as skunk. Tried to Fight him into the tub, tried to lure him into a shower with me, that didn't work, and I resorted to a bath on the bathroom floor (with all the cleanup that followed). But wrestling him clean, was harder than most of my workouts!

I googled elf water towers, thought for sure there would be a photo of one with your name on it, or a picture of an elf - found one with a santa, but no elf! darn.

have a good day!

Amy Beth Kloner said...

Didn't I tell you to quit taunting me with your damn banana bread!

DIRTY GAMES YOU PLAY, woman! ;)

Loved the list.

Wes said...

One dog's crap is another dog's steak... My puppy prefers rabbit crap. Why, I'll never know. There's no meat in that... ROFLMAO!! :-)

ADC said...

I love it. #13 - Has your mum been talking to my mum ;)

tomdog said...

Wow! What an awesome list! That is way too funny. Please stir up some good weather this Memorial Day weekend as the team and I are headed out from OK to Illinois to see family. Have a great recovery week and don't wipe out all the peanut butter cups in Illinois!

Andrea said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This list is perfect and I plan to implement numbers 17, 24, 27 and 29 this week.

Alili said...

#24 made me laugh so hard I choked on my bagel.

Great list.

K.Michele said...

With regard to #20, I think you should be a fan of "not being on fire." As in literally, in flames. Who thinks of these things??

Jennifer Cunnane said...

I love your list! You are really funny and always make everyone crack up with your blog. And, yeah that was me screaming your name at the TOP of my lung when you came out of the swim - You looked strong and had your game face on!

Kim said...

Just caught up on your race blog and it was a very interesting and insightful recount of a hard day out there, but a good day because of the hard things..some things can't be learned any other way. The hard lessons and still making it to the finish line are so difficult and yes, I understand you saying you've had your fill of building character. Regardless, you are a tenatious athlete, an athlete with a ton of heart, and you are an athlete that inspires people ELF! Your story may make the next person who has to get followed by that car think of you and not give up either (heck-it could be me!). What happened to you could happen to anyone at any time, so know that and you did the right thing! Love that list..enjoy your recovery and tell Chris - great job!

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Great list Elizabeth... thank you for adding humor to a place we've all been before. Happy recovery - might i add one? Ignore your gross, smelly, wet race gear - because really? Who wants to touch anything that smells that gross? Ignorance IS bliss! Good luck keeping Boss away from the poop. :)

IronMatron said...

This was hysterical.

Benson said...

Great post.
You make me wish I was recovering every week. Fun.

Kim said...

laughing at my desk - that's some funny shit.

GoBigGreen said...

Oh you could add "Go to DQ every day" on the recovery list, and put the pb cups on the ice cream ( after ordering a PB cup blizzard of course)

Great post :)

Dave Jewell said...

Save ELF will be on a water tower, carved into a tree or included in my sons science project for all of Germany to see.

D said...

#24: I totally just told Maggs to add your name to the list of people she needs to register for the HNL marathon.

Sherry Lynn said...

I'm fairly certain that you are just about the best blogger ever!