I know, it just doesn’t end.
You know you’re really pregnant when you find yourself at the gym clutching a flyer for PreNatal Pilates. And, a flyer for PreNatal Yoga. I may or may not have also grabbed a flyer advertising a class called Mommy’s Muscles.
I’m so ashamed.
It could have been worse: it could have been PreNatal Water Aerobics.
Yes, I think I’m getting bored of my fitness routine. Look at me. I just called “training” a fitness routine. I’d call it a program but I don’t follow one and I’d call it training but the only thing I’m training for is giving birth. Which means I do lots of ball squats and at least once a week do 10 x 25 fly on a tight interval to remember what it feels like to want to vomit out of my nostrils.
Since I’ve been off the running, I’ve been on the bike. Thus I’ve become best friends with Oprah. It’s like she shows up at my house a few times a week to chat with me. I haven’t been swimming much because I’m not in the mood to swim this week. My legs have been happier so I’ve been walking. And when I say walking I mean full on power walking with a heart rate monitor, gel and those crazy pumping arms. I’ve been hitting the trails of the Arboretum for some very long walks. I never used to take walking too seriously until I realized if you walk fast enough up a hill you can get your heart rate up to 151.
I didn’t end up signing up for any prenatal classes because the timing didn’t work out but I did end up at a spinning class which reminded me of two valuable things: 1 – don’t wear running shorts to a spinning class; 2 – I really don’t like spinning.
So fitness while 27 weeks pregnant has been going well.
I’ve been finalizing the baby registry. And you thought registering for a bunch of pots and pans was hard. Try registering for everything you might possibly need to sustain the life of a little person that is entirely your responsibility.
How do you prepare for something like that?
I looked online for some checklists that might help and just when I thought I had everything I realized I was missing an activity mat. I know, it looks like another gimmick for babies but I have received word from a very reliable source that babies love these things.
I wondered: Can it get any more ridiculous than the activity mat, the vibrating chair or the Boppy? Enter: the exersaucer. Another thing I have heard that babies love. Good thing a friend gave me her old exersaucer and a high chair. Her words:
I don’t want to see this stuff anymore.
I guess that is what happens after child number two.
Chris came home from work, and upon seeing the exersaucer in the foyer he shouted:
WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT THING!
It’s an exersaucer.
Why do we need it?
It is like a mobile child prison cell. Trust me, we need this thing.
Same goes for the swing, the soother, the bouncer. I might have registered for it all. I don’t remember. The cashier Whole Foods (honestly, the free advice just doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant, it’s everywhere….) told me to register for a lot of things so people would have choices and not show up with a pair of blue overalls and white shirt with a Peter Pan collar.
You can have too many of those.
My coolness factor took a major dive the other day when I went to Diapers.com. Even worse when I made a purchase. I had a coupon and I’ve realized when you have a coupon for baby – you buy for baby. Saving money is the name of this game. Because everything is EXPENSIVE!
(speaking of coupons, did you know that BuyBuyBaby honors Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons?)
Now, I’ve done some research on diapers. I know, of all the things you want to look up online, diapers isn’t high up there but it’s worth searching. I’m not going to preach about diapers because I honestly don’t know anything yet but what I’ve been told or what I’ve read nor will I tell you which ones I chose because I’ve found that when you mention the word diaper EVERYONE has a different opinion so you get into all of these unnecessary philosophical debates about…diapering. Heck, even the cashier at Whole Foods had an opinion (can you please just ring up my groceries?). Any time the words diaper genie were even mentioned on my Facebook page there would be a series of HATE IT’s and an equal number of LOVE IT’S.
For the record, we are not getting a diaper genie.
I know it make me seem all psychocrazy to already buy diapers and I never said I wasn’t. I just want to be prepared. You read about people registering for diapers and I think to myself – really? That just seems awkward to me. Everyone knows your kid will shit on that gift. The other gifts – there is a 50/50 chance of getting shat upon. Registering for diapers is kind of like registering for nursing pads - WHO, other than another pregnant woman - is going to buy that for you? So, I went ahead and bought myself diapers. Might as well get used to it.
All you need to know is that I purchased what can hold the mother load. Look at this.
Inside that box is diapers. Roughly 29029304923 diapers. That should be enough, right?
I read somewhere that an infant can soil their diaper 18 times a day. Let's say that happens for 6 weeks or 42 days straight. Do you realize that we are talking about roughly 756 diapers? IN SIX WEEKS. I have a soon-to-be 3 year old niece who is still not potty-trained. Right now they are probably purchasing their 20,000th diaper.
It’s hard to say what size my baby will come out at but I know one thing: at some point he WILL be between 8 and 14 pounds. And at that point, I will be prepared. I bought a package of newborn diapers and a package of bigger diapers. Even if this kid comes early, my baby’s ass WILL be covered.
This box also includes wipes. I could write a thesis on selecting baby wipes but let’s just say that anything that comes in an 800 count package is good enough for me.
And we’ve also opted out of the baby wipe warmer. This is Chicago. It’s a cold world, kid. Buck up and get used to it.
On Friday I had an ultrasound to make sure baby is ok. Max is getting big. He is also getting very active. I’ve read that there is some predictability to their activity but so far – he’s a wild child. Every night at 9 pm he is active but other than that – there is not much rhythm to it. In fact, last night, he woke me up at 2:45 am.
There was a party in my uterus. I did not get the Evite.
It was like a bass drum beating against the wall of my stomach. It continued until 4:18 am. I went back to sleep – barely – and it started up again at 6 am, like it does every day as if Max is saying:
WAKE UP WOMAN AND FEED ME!
I’ve been told this is my training for life with baby once he arrives.
The ultrasound technician pointed out where he is right now. His head is down by my you know what which explains why it feels like someone is walking through the halls of my vagina all day long. That would be his head hitting against the cervix or his arms boxing the cervix. His feet are up by my belly button. That explains the bass drum. Two of them booming at once.
She gave me a profile picture and then took a 3-D shot. I’ve been incredibly spoiled with ultrasounds and feel like I’ve watched Max grow up since he was a little ball of cells. But this 3-D picture was the best one yet because I could literally see his face.
Now, I’m guessing every mother to be has a vision of what her baby will look like. I know I do. So it was a little strange to “see” what he looks like right now. Yet when she zoomed in on the face, the whole experience came alive. It was a sneak peek to our son. There is a little person in me with a mouth that I will have to feed, eyes that are resting for a busy life ahead and a small hand resting by his head.
And of course, he is adorable. He could look like a monkey’s ass and he’d still be adorable. Look at that little mouth. I could even see the umbilical cord. And, see that puffy white cloud near his head? That would be the pillow of my placenta. Say it with me now: PLAC – CEN – TA. I’m starting to like this thing. Not so much that I’ll go all Matthew McConaughey and plant it in my backyard but…
You never know.
Sometimes I visualize birth. I try to taste how much it will hurt, I picture how I will try to approach it and then how I will feel at the end. I used to do the same thing with races. When I cross the line after birth, I know there will be much pain, many tears and elation. But there will also be words. And today I realized what I will probably say…
We’ve been waiting to meet you.
When I look at that picture, I realized that 13 more weeks is a really long time to wait until I meet this little guy.
But having the sneak peek sure does help.